Plan P

Episode 26 Prioritize Understanding Others

Parents understand the importance of paying attention to and listening to their children. This is a vital part of any healthy relationship. Listening is hard! In this episode Sarah Pollak and Quinn Faison discuss and dial into how to take listening to the next level. Listening to understand is next-level listening.  One step forward is repeating back exactly what their child said to them. This parroting is a giant step forward from reacting in panic, anger, fear or frustration! Conversations get deeper when listening at this level. You hear more, which allows you to see and hear opportunities for new inquiries, not simply validating, but helping your child learn to identify the intricacies of their feelings. There may be a method to the madness of a teen or young adult’s thinking.  Join Quinn and Sarah as they share methods for listening well which can help parents understand their adolescent children’s experiences and join their children on their journey.
This Week’s Practice: Reflective Listening
Listening to understand allows a conversation to move forward. Try this.  Don’t parrot what someone says as a means of expressing your understanding, try listening for nuance or feelings and share what you believe you heard. “That sounds like it was hard” “You felt ignored” Then pause for confirmation or clarification. Then try it again, using new language and asking for more information, general “Yeah, tell me more?” or, if still not clear “How does that sit with you?” When the conversation has come to an end, let it end and say thank you.
Books Mentioned in this Episode:
Listening Well: The Art of Empathetic Listening by William R. Miller
Emotional Lives of Teens by Lisa Damour, Ph.D.
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Have a question that you would like Sarah & Quinn to answer? Email us at connect@planp.us
 
Visit planp.us to learn more and get access to resources to build healthy relationships with your pre-teens, teens and young adult children!

The Prison of Perception: Coming Face to Face with Reality

In this episode, Sarah Pollak and Quinn Faison delve deep into the intricate world of parental perception and its impact on our roles as caregivers. They shine a light on the common tendency to jump to conclusions about our teens' intentions, whether positive or negative, and how this perception can sometimes lead us astray. It becomes evident that our perception can be a confining prison if left unchecked. To break free, the hosts stress the importance of challenging our mindset from a fixed to a growth perspective. They emphasize the value of validating and verifying our perception through third-party perspectives, including those of fellow parents, therapists, and our own children. Join Sarah and Quinn as they navigate the complex terrain of perception versus reality, offering insights and strategies to foster a healthier and more connected parent-child dynamic.
 
This Week’s Practice: Checking Your Perception
For week's practice, Sarah and Quinn invite you to embark on a journey of self-awareness and mindfulness. The central theme revolves around the importance of evaluating our perceptions with a critical eye. Question whether your initial judgments and assumptions about your teens' actions could potentially be different when viewed from a different perspective. It's an exercise in considering the evidence and staying open to alternative viewpoints. Moreover, they stress the significance of being conscious of our reactions to these perceptions, as our responses can significantly impact the parent-child relationship. By cultivating a habit of checking and questioning our perceptions, we can foster a more empathetic and understanding connection with our teens.
 
Books Mentioned in this Episode: 
And Then They Stopped Talking to Me: Making Sense of Middle School by Judith Warner
 
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Have a question that you would like Sarah & Quinn to answer? Email us at connect@planp.us
 
Visit planp.us to learn more and get access to resources to build healthy relationships with your pre-teens, teens and young adult children!

Planning & Pivoting: Redefining Our Goals

What if success was failure and failure was success? In this thought-provoking episode, Sarah Pollak and Quinn Faison delve into the concept of setting and achieving goals, inspired by a compelling Ted Talk by former NFL player Emmanuel Acho. The discussion challenges conventional wisdom surrounding goals, emphasizing the importance of flexibility and adaptation. While goals can provide direction and motivation, they also have the potential to limit us when we become overly fixated on achieving them. Sarah and Quinn invite listeners to explore a different perspective—one where success and failure intertwine and where the journey towards our aspirations holds greater significance than the destination. Join them as they unravel the fluid nature of goals and the liberating notion that our path to success may not always follow a straight line. 
 
This Week’s Practice: Creating Goals 
This week, Sarah and Quinn encourage you to embark on a personal journey of growth and transformation. Challenge yourself to set a goal, no matter the size, that embodies change and progress. Embracing change is a powerful way to break free from the confines of routine and open new doors to self-improvement. Whether it's a small step or a giant leap, this practice is a reminder that every goal, big or small, has the potential to shape your life in profound ways. So, what will your goal be this week, and how will it redefine your path to success? Join the conversation and discover the magic of embracing change.
 
Reference: 
TED TALK: Why You Should Stop Setting Goals (Yes, Really) by Emmanuel Acho 
 
CONNECT WITH US
Follow Plan P on Instagram, Facebook & TikTok @planpisfor
Join our parenting community & stay connected here
Have a question that you would like Sarah & Quinn to answer? Email us at connect@planp.us
 
Visit planp.us to learn more and get access to resources to build healthy relationships with your pre-teens, teens and young adult children!

Pillars of Trust: Presence, Engagement and Reliability

Happy New Year! In the first episode of 2024, Sarah Pollak and Quinn Faison dive deep into the topic of trust, the cornerstone of strong parent-teen relationships. After a refreshing break over the holidays, they return to explore the dynamics of trust between parents and their teens. Trust is a two-way street, and the hosts discuss how it involves not only trusting our teens to make mistakes and learn but also trusting ourselves as parents. They emphasize that as parents, we set the tone for trust through our presence, engagement, and reliability. Join Sarah and Quinn as they unravel the layers of trust and share insights on building a foundation of trust that fosters open and healthy communication between parents and their teenagers.
 
This Week’s Practice: Daily Self-Reflection
This week, Sarah and Quinn encourage parents to engage in daily self-reflection as a powerful tool for cultivating trustworthiness. The practice involves taking a moment each day to assess our actions and behaviors. Did we uphold our commitments? Were we honest with ourselves and others? Did we handle various situations with integrity? By consistently checking in with ourselves and holding ourselves accountable, we can actively work on building trust not only with our teens but also with ourselves. This practice serves as a valuable step toward becoming the trustworthy parents we aspire to be, setting a positive example for our teens in the process.
 
Books Mentioned in this Episode: 
Listening for Well-Being : Conversations with People Not Like Us by Arun Maira
That's Not What I Meant!: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships by Deborah Tannen
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van der Kolk, MD
 
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Join our parenting community & stay connected here
Have a question that you would like Sarah & Quinn to answer? Email us at connect@planp.us
 
Visit planp.us to learn more and get access to resources to build healthy relationships with your pre-teens, teens and young adult children!

Putting Care First: 2023 Recap & Reflections (Bonus)

In this special bonus episode, Sarah Pollak and Quinn Faison bid farewell to 2023 with a heartfelt reflection on the growth and stretching they've experienced throughout the year, marked by new ventures, challenges, and the launch of this very podcast, Plan P!
 
Sarah and Quinn also unveil exciting plans for 2024, offering listeners a sneak peek into what's to come:
 
"Potty Training to Pot Training" eBook Release: A valuable resource for parents navigating the various stages of child development.
Free Virtual Parent Support Group: A community for parents to connect, share experiences, and support each other.
Guest Interviews: Engaging conversations with family, clients, and other parenting experts, bringing diverse perspectives to the forefront.
 
Plan P will return on January 17, 2024 for more insightful discussions, practical parenting advice, and shared experiences. We are truly grateful for the incredible support and engagement throughout the year and we wish you and your family Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!
 
This Week’s Practice: Put Care, Compassion & Love First 
As we conclude the year, this week's practice encourages a beautiful act of self-love and care. Amidst the hustle and bustle, take a moment to prioritize yourself. Engage in a thoughtful gesture that brings you joy, whether it's a relaxing hot bath, buying yourself flowers, immersing yourself in a good book, or binging your favorite show.
 
Recognize and embrace the deserving nature of self-care. This practice serves as a gentle reminder to extend the same care, compassion, and love to yourself that you offer to others. In winding down for the end of the year, gift yourself a moment of kindness, reinforcing the importance of self-nurturing for a healthy and fulfilling start to the new year.
 
CONNECT WITH US
Follow Plan P on Instagram, Facebook & TikTok @planpisfor
Join our parenting community & stay connected here
Have a question that you would like Sarah & Quinn to answer? Email us at connect@planp.us
Visit planp.us to learn more and get access to resources to build healthy relationships with your pre-teens, teens and young adult children!

Painting a Picture of Trust

 In this final episode of the year, hosts Sarah Pollak and Quinn Faison guide parents through the unique challenges of the holiday season's grand finale: New Year's Eve. While Christmas often leans towards family-focused tranquility, New Year's Eve, particularly with teenage and young adult children, requires a different approach.
 
Sarah and Quinn emphasize the importance of candid conversations with teens and young adults about the significance of a safe New Year's Eve. As children grow older, their desire for more freedom and participation in celebratory events increases. It becomes crucial for parents to discuss responsible drinking, safety measures, awareness of surroundings, and pre-planned arrangements (such as calling an Uber or staying at a friend's house).
 
Recognizing that New Year's Eve is one of the most dangerous holidays, the hosts encourage parents not to shy away from this vital conversation of safety. The ultimate goal is to create a safe and open space for children to be honest about their plans. As the year draws to a close, Sarah and Quinn extend warm wishes for Happy Holidays and a joyous New Year. See you in 2024!
 
This Week’s Practice: What Picture are You Painting? 
This week's practice centers around the crucial theme of trust and safety in conversations about New Year's Eve with your teenage and young adult children. As you engage in these discussions, be mindful of your responses. Making an effort to create an environment where your child feels safe enough to open up is key.
 
Once your child shares their plans, resist the urge to overreact. Trust that your kids are capable of handling themselves appropriately. It's a delicate balance—nurturing trust through open communication and respecting their growing independence. This practice encourages parents to foster an atmosphere where safety and honesty coexist, ensuring a meaningful and secure start to the new year for everyone involved.
 
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Have a question that you would like Sarah & Quinn to answer? Email us at connect@planp.us
Visit planp.us to learn more and get access to resources to build healthy relationships with your pre-teens, teens and young adult children!

The Present of Your Presence

In this heartfelt episode of Plan P, hosts Sarah Pollak and Quinn Faison dive into the importance of being truly present, both emotionally and mentally, during the holiday season. Beyond the physical presence, they advocate for intentional mindfulness amidst the hustle and bustle that often engulfs this time of year.
 
As the rush of holiday preparations can overshadow the true meaning of the season, Sarah and Quinn inspire listeners to ground themselves through mindfulness. The episode explores the significance of bringing consciousness to actions often done unconsciously, fostering a deeper connection with the holiday moments that matter most.
 
Join them in this reflective journey toward embracing the gift of your presence, recognizing that true joy and fulfillment in the holidays come from being fully engaged and mindful in the present moment.
 
This Week’s Practice: Presence and Appreciation
This week's practice encourages the simple yet profound act of being present in the moment with genuine appreciation. Begin by taking a moment to appreciate your surroundings, whether it's the warmth of your home, the beauty of holiday decorations, or the company of loved ones.
 
Take a deep breath to anchor yourself in the present, allowing the sensory details to unfold. This practice invites you to step into the current moment with a heightened sense of awareness and gratitude. Embracing the power of appreciation fosters a deeper connection with the joy and beauty that each moment holds during the holiday season.
 
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Join our parenting community & stay connected here
Have a question that you would like Sarah & Quinn to answer? Email us at connect@planp.us
Visit planp.us to learn more and get access to resources to build healthy relationships with your pre-teens, teens and young adult children!

Planning Ahead for a Stress-Free Holiday

In this insightful follow-up to their discussion on holiday pressures, Sarah Pollak and Quinn Faison explore the essential concept of having a family plan in place for a festive, stress-free season. As families evolve and traditions shift with the passing years, it's crucial to engage in open discussions about how you'll spend the holidays.
 
Sarah and Quinn delve into the various considerations: will it be a getaway, a visit to the in-laws, a quiet evening at home, or perhaps allowing the kids to spend time with friends? The hosts emphasize the importance of managing expectations, ensuring that every family member, from spouses to kids, can have a meaningful and enjoyable holiday without unnecessary pressure.
 
As the dynamics of family traditions transform, this episode encourages the creation of new traditions through open communication and collaborative decision-making. Join Sarah and Quinn for valuable insights on crafting a holiday blueprint that fosters joy, connection, and shared meaning for everyone in the family.
 
This Week’s Practice: Prioritizing Joy in Your Holiday Plans
This week's practice encourages intentional decision-making for the holiday season and beyond. As you navigate choices, ask yourself a crucial question: "Is this truly a priority, or is it just a preference?" Understanding the distinction aids in planning a smoother holiday experience.
 
By discerning what holds genuine importance to you and your family, you can craft holiday plans around those priority factors. This practice cultivates a mindful and joy-centric approach, ensuring that your festivities align with what truly matters, enhancing the meaningful moments and reducing unnecessary stress.
 
CONNECT WITH US
Follow Plan P on Instagram, Facebook & TikTok @planpisfor
Join our parenting community & stay connected here
Have a question that you would like Sarah & Quinn to answer? Email us at connect@planp.us
Visit planp.us to learn more and get access to resources to build healthy relationships with your pre-teens, teens and young adult children!

Pushing Through the Holidays: Check Your Pressure

In this episode of Plan P, hosts Sarah Pollak and Quinn Faison kick off the holiday season with a candid conversation about pushing through the pressures that often accompany this time of year. While the holidays bring joy for many, they can also weigh heavily on those experiencing loss, such as Quinn, who has navigated the absence of a parent.
 
Sarah and Quinn delve into the societal expectations that can burden individuals during the holiday season—feeling the pressure to be relentlessly joyful, managing the expectations of a perfect holiday for everyone, and juggling the demands of cooking and decorating. Drawing an analogy to a car's tire pressure check, the hosts encourage all parents to pause, reflect, and assess their own holiday pressures.
 
This episode serves as a reminder to prioritize the true meaning of the holidays amidst the chaos. Tune in for valuable insights on navigating the complexities of this season, offering solace and understanding for those experiencing a mix of emotions during what is often perceived as a joyful time. 
 
This Week’s Practice: Cultivate Contentment
This week's practice encourages a mindful approach to the holiday season. Reflect on what will genuinely bring you contentment, emphasizing the importance of balance in your aspirations. Consider what you want to contribute to the holiday festivities, whether it's a joyful atmosphere, meaningful connections, or simply a delicious meal. 
 
Acknowledge that the holidays should be a time of joy, not stress. By aligning your expectations with what truly matters to you, you can cultivate a sense of contentment, fostering a holiday season filled with authentic warmth and joy….remember there’s NO PRESSURE here - only reflection! 
 
CONNECT WITH US
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Join our parenting community & stay connected here
Have a question that you would like Sarah & Quinn to answer? Email us at connect@planp.us
Visit planp.us to learn more and get access to resources to build healthy relationships with your pre-teens, teens and young adult children!

Pressing Pause: The Truth About Wilderness Programs & Boarding Schools

In this timely episode of Plan P, hosts Sarah Pollak and Quinn Faison delve into a significant and often debated topic: therapeutic wilderness programs and boarding schools for troubled teens. Drawing from their own personal journey, where they made the challenging decision to send their son to a wilderness program over a decade ago, Sarah and Quinn share their insights and experiences.
 
This episode serves as an informative guide for parents, emphasizing that therapeutic wilderness programs and boarding schools are just one of many options available. The hosts stress the importance of understanding that there's no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to helping struggling teens. The focus here is on offering an opportunity, not a mandate, for both teens and parents to engage in transformative work separately.
 
Sarah and Quinn emphasize a crucial point: change requires effort from both sides. They advocate for parents to recognize that their own growth and willingness to change are essential components of nurturing a healthy relationship with their teens. Tune in to gain valuable insights, perspectives, and resources, empowering parents to make informed decisions while fostering understanding and empathy in the journey toward healing and growth.
 
More About Teen Therapeutic Programs
Listen to Episode 2: Overcoming Parental Peer Pressure
Books
"What Now?" by Dr. Paul Case 
"Shouting at the Sky" by Gary Ferguson
 
This Week’s Practice: Informed Decision-Making
This week's practice urges parents to approach the challenging decision of seeking help for their struggling teen with thoughtfulness and care. Begin by considering all available options—therapeutic wilderness programs, boarding schools, and more. Write down these choices and seek counsel from trusted individuals, valuing their perspectives and insights.
 
Take time to deeply reflect on the reasons guiding your decision-making process. Ensure that your choices are rooted in genuine concern for your teen's well-being, the overall family dynamics, and the long-term health of your relationship. Resist making decisions out of fear or panic, prioritizing what aligns with the best interests of your teen and your family. This practice encourages mindful consideration, enabling you to make informed choices that pave the way for a healthier, supportive future.
 
CONNECT WITH US
Follow Plan P on Instagram, Facebook & TikTok @planpisfor
Join our parenting community & stay connected here
Have a question that you would like Sarah & Quinn to answer? Email us at connect@planp.us
Visit planp.us to learn more and get access to resources to build healthy relationships with your pre-teens, teens and young adult children!